she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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