Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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