She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
