Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
did i walk over a car last night?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
