Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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