dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
