he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...