i can't believe i had my finger in that
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa