he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
