Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
