Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
