Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box. http://tfl.nu/9hzq
  Replies (7) Good night (2780) Bad night (544)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken http://tfl.nu/rlnm
  Replies (28) Good night (782) Bad night (2924)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high. http://tfl.nu/uw52
  Replies (12) Good night (3279) Bad night (895)
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world. http://tfl.nu/egr4
  Replies (31) Good night (6176) Bad night (2047)
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation http://tfl.nu/lbqv
  Replies (22) Good night (1466) Bad night (3205)
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef? http://tfl.nu/bmpn
  Replies (12) Good night (4098) Bad night (609)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish. http://tfl.nu/b1hn
  Replies (20) Good night (11555) Bad night (1109)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace. http://tfl.nu/fcle
  Replies (20) Good night (10625) Bad night (1225)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that. http://tfl.nu/ljyh
  Replies (12) Good night (907) Bad night (4191)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter. http://tfl.nu/21c2
  Replies (18) Good night (5082) Bad night (1405)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face. http://tfl.nu/jlmy
  Replies (6) Good night (3711) Bad night (912)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind. http://tfl.nu/p83t
  Replies (5) Good night (1638) Bad night (847)
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (775): You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished http://tfl.nu/zdpg
  Replies (5) Good night (801) Bad night (423)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle http://tfl.nu/gy3s
  Replies (2) Good night (1005) Bad night (289)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for http://tfl.nu/6wjj
  Replies (2) Good night (405) Bad night (593)

Randomize