There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
17 People Reveal The Reasons Behind Their Foot Fetish
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...