I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
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How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
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I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.