I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
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