Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(718): View more from New York

I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?

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(718): I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life? http://tfl.nu/2jrg

Replies (27) Good night (758) Bad night (3213)
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(248): View more from Michigan

i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.

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(248): i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college. http://tfl.nu/wwi7

Replies (29) Good night (1185) Bad night (4224)
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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.

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(412): You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats. http://tfl.nu/gybz

Replies (35) Good night (1307) Bad night (4070)
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(815): View more from Illinois

I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it

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(815): I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it http://tfl.nu/no3b

Replies (14) Good night (1757) Bad night (4665)
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(919): View more from North Carolina

She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."

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(919): She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..." http://tfl.nu/ca9j

Replies (17) Good night (902) Bad night (5838)
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(804): View more from Virginia

I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.

(1-804): View more from Virginia

pants will make it better? really?

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(804): I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand. (1-804): pants will make it better? really? http://tfl.nu/cx1r

Replies (7) Good night (2308) Bad night (626)
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(316): View more from Kansas

I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.

(1-316): View more from Kansas

So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?

(316): View more from Kansas

pills.

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(316): I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult. (1-316): So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message? (316): pills. http://tfl.nu/hrkg

Replies (3) Good night (1475) Bad night (716)
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(410): View more from Maryland

I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.

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(410): I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while. http://tfl.nu/y6er

Replies (10) Good night (1101) Bad night (783)
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(715): View more from Wisconsin

I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.

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(715): I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out. http://tfl.nu/zox5

Replies (1) Good night (971) Bad night (753)
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(719): View more from Colorado

I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.

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(719): I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster. http://tfl.nu/ckt2

Replies (8) Good night (1708) Bad night (495)
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(61): View more from Australia

Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair

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(61): Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair http://tfl.nu/j3o5

Replies (6) Good night (480) Bad night (316)
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(901): View more from Tennessee

The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella

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(901): The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella http://tfl.nu/24ug

Replies (4) Good night (1079) Bad night (413)
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(720): View more from Colorado

I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.

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(720): I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy. http://tfl.nu/eww2

Replies (2) Good night (558) Bad night (251)
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(612): View more from Minnesota

My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.

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(612): My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly. http://tfl.nu/orbs

Replies (0) Good night (335) Bad night (202)
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(319): View more from Iowa

He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.

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(319): He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk. http://tfl.nu/n6v5

Replies (0) Good night (291) Bad night (379)

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