You did not just play the dead husband card again.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
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I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
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I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.