your parents love me but you hate me
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
