She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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