I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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