Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
