She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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