yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
did you just send me my own nude
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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