So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
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FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
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i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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