the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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