Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
