Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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