they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
