god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
