tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
