I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
