Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
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