SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
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