your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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