he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
