OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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