I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
