im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
