I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
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I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
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I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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