You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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