Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
