She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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