Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
