I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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