just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
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I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
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I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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