I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
