i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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