You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
