Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
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