did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
