just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
