there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
