I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
