please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize