We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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