please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
