like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
