Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
this beer tastes like vomit already
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
