I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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