If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
