If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
