Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Randomize
