I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
