I just cut my nipple shaving
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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