my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
