hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
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Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
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I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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