I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
