Quick, to the slutcave!
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
