the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Randomize
