so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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