Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
You know, be my cock's hype man.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
