I love black thongs
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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