sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
