But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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